If you’re post-40, post-divorced, dating again can be the heart-pumping excitement that you might not have felt in a long time.

However …. it's essential to keep an eye out for red flags that may indicate potential problems in a relationship.

According to this Vox article, “the FTC shared that romance-related scams are the most commonly reported type of consumer fraud in the United States, and growing every year. The FTC received reports of 21,000 romance scams in 2018, up from 8,500 in 2015. The financial consequences of these scams are also getting bigger, with reported losses quadrupling from $33 million in 2015 to $143 million in 2018.”

When you’re re-entering the dating scene, it becomes even more crucial to recognize these warning signs (especially if you have kiddos). In this article, we will explore ten significant red flags that often emerge during the early stages of dating.

By understanding and being vigilant about these red flags, you can protect yourself and make informed decisions about your romantic future and date online safely.

I. Inconsistent Communication: Recognizing Red Flags in Texting and Phone Calls

One common red flag in the modern dating world is inconsistent communication.

Pay attention to partners who are inconsistent in their response times, frequently ignore or dismiss your messages, or provide vague or evasive answers.

Lack of consistent communication may indicate:

a lack of interest
emotional unavailability
potential commitment issues

This LA Times article on double lives shares, “Psychologists say that thousands of men and women are living in two worlds, caught in a web of lies, risks and shame that ultimately force them into secret behavior that is far different from their everyday existence.

Take note if they only reach out sporadically, leaving you feeling uncertain about their level of investment in the relationship.

2. Unwillingness to Commit: Spotting Signs of Emotional Unavailability

When entering a new relationship, it is essential to assess your partner's willingness to commit.

Look out for signs of emotional unavailability, such as:

avoiding discussions about the future
reluctance to define the relationship
expressing fear and resistance towards commitment

A partner who consistently avoids conversations about commitment may not be ready for a serious relationship, leaving you with unfulfilled expectations and potential heartache.

3. Lack of Transparency: Identifying Red Flags in a Partner's Past

Transparency and honesty are crucial foundations for a healthy relationship.

Be wary of partners who:

seem secretive
are unwilling to share information about their past
provide inconsistent or contradictory narratives

While everyone is entitled to privacy, a lack of transparency can indicate hidden baggage, unresolved issues, or even dishonesty.

It's essential to have open conversations about each other's pasts to build trust and ensure you are both on the same page.

According to YourTango.com which conducted a survey of mental health professionals “the #1 way to divorce-proof your marriage is to improve communication followed by making your spouse a priority.”

4. Controlling Behavior: Recognizing Signs of Manipulation and Power Dynamics

Controlling behavior is a significant red flag that should never be ignored.

Pay attention to partners who try to:

exert control over your choices
isolate you from friends and family
consistently manipulate situations to gain an upper hand

These signs indicate potential power imbalances and an unhealthy dynamic that can escalate into emotional or even physical abuse.

Remember, a healthy relationship is built on trust, respect, and autonomy.

6. Disrespectful Treatment: How to Identify and Address Red Flags

Respect is the foundation of any successful relationship.

If your partner consistently displays disrespectful behavior, such as:

belittling your opinions
disregarding your boundaries
engaging in demeaning language or actions

Disrespectful treatment erodes self-esteem and fosters an unhealthy dynamic.

Address such issues early on and assess if your partner is willing to make necessary changes or if it's time to reconsider the relationship.

6. Financial Irresponsibility: Warning Signs of Money-Related Issues

Financial compatibility is an often-overlooked aspect of a healthy relationship.

Pay attention to signs of financial irresponsibility, such as:

excessive spending
avoiding discussions about money
relying on you for financial support without valid reasons

A partner who consistently displays poor financial management may cause stress and strain on the relationship in the long run. It is essential to have open and honest conversations about financial goals and values.

In this recent survey on debt and divorce, it states “54% of respondents believe that having a partner who is in debt is a major reason to consider divorce.”

7. Boundary Violations: Spotting Signs of Disregard for Personal Space

Respecting personal boundaries is crucial for a healthy relationship.

Be cautious if your partner consistently crosses your boundaries, whether physical, emotional, or sexual.

Signs of boundary violations can include:

pushing you to engage in activities you are uncomfortable with
invading your privacy without permission
dismissing your feelings or preferences

Healthy relationships require mutual respect for each other's boundaries, and any disregard should be taken seriously.

8. Negative Attitude Toward Exes: Evaluating Their Ability to Handle Past Relationships

Observing your partner's attitude towards their exes can provide valuable insights into their emotional maturity and ability to handle past relationships.

Be cautious if your partner consistently:

speaks negatively about their exes
displays unresolved resentment
engages in ongoing conflicts

These signs may indicate an inability to let go of the past, harbor deep-seated anger, or struggle with forgiveness. Healthy relationships require emotional stability and the ability to learn and grow from past experiences.

9. Incompatibility in Values: Identifying Red Flags in Core Beliefs

Shared values form a strong foundation for a fulfilling relationship.

Pay attention to significant differences in core beliefs and values between you and your partner.

Fundamental aspects of your lives might include:

religious beliefs
political beliefs
family values
life goals

These incompatible core differences can lead to conflicts and dissatisfaction in the long run.

Even though we’re on number nine, incompatibility could be the number one red flag. This resource on marriage and divorce facts states that “according to recent data, the top reason for divorce is incompatibility (43%).”

It's essential to have open and honest discussions about these important areas to assess the compatibility and potential for a successful relationship.

10. Early Signs of Emotional or Physical Abuse: Prioritizing Safety in New Relationships

Prioritizing safety is paramount in any relationship.

Watch out for early signs of emotional or physical abuse, such as:

verbal insults
excessive jealousy
possessiveness
physical aggression
isolating behavior

These signs should never be ignored, as they can escalate into more severe forms of abuse.

If you experience any form of abuse, it is crucial to seek support from friends, family, or professional resources and remove yourself from the harmful situation.

Dating Red Flags TLDR Summary

Recognizing dating red flags is essential for divorced adults in their 40’s who are seeking meaningful and healthy relationships.

By being vigilant and attentive to signs of inconsistent communication, emotional unavailability, lack of transparency, controlling behavior, disrespectful treatment, financial irresponsibility, boundary violations, negative attitudes towards exes, incompatibility in values, and early signs of abuse, you can protect yourself and make informed decisions.

Remember, a healthy relationship is built on trust, respect, and open communication. Trust your instincts, set clear boundaries, and prioritize your safety and well-being as you embark on your dating journey.

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